It is late and I am just bone tired. It is tiring to move, not just physically, but in every other way too. I get rather sentimental about things and it makes me emotional. I posted many of our belongings for sale on Craigslist and it made me sad. I hate to give up my patio set with it's blessed mosquito net. We had it for just one year. And I loved it. Selling the boogie boards is difficult because I can see in my mind Collin cruising on the waves and laughing with delight. Or our slide that took us so long to find! A gift from the Furimans to Collin last year before they took off to Idaho. I can see Avind as he proudly sits at the top after getting there all by himself.
And then as we pack box after box I wonder why we are keeping all this stuff! Mind you, I have diligently purged our home for several months now. We don't really have junk. But we still have lots of stuff. And I can't help but wonder if it is all necessary.
A quick note:
Avind had his 15 month check-up today. He is a whopping 17lbs 11oz. I think that is once again off the chart. And I just realized I don't even know how tall he is. Whoops! He got 3 shots today and had the saddest cry. But big brother was there to be funny and quickly cheer him up. Collin hates when Avind has to get shots. He always tells me that he hates having to hear him cry; that it makes him so sad he just can't stand it. He is a wonderful brother.
We had a little incident today where Avind had climbed up the steps of the slide, but the slide was on the concrete. Well, Collin knows that the slide is supposed to be on the grass when Avi climbs it just in case he falls. So, he starts pushing the slide, meanwhile, Avind is trying to hang on as he is standing precariously on the top step. Oh, man! I yelled for Collin to stop. Blake rushed out the door to get Collin to stop. That poor little boy! He felt terrible. He had wanted to protect his brother and instead he almost hurt him. He cried and cried as I held him. It was just one of those scary, but then tender moments when I realize what a good soul this little man of mine has. We got him laughing soon and it was all okay after a little while. Then it was off to Chuck E Cheese for a Collin Birthday Dinner.
Well, it is time for sleep. The babies will be up before we know it!
Monday, July 21, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Tender Mercies
This was the draft of a post I started last Monday:
I feel incredibly stressed at the moment. I spent the last hour researching a bit on moving trucks and it just made me feel a bit ill at ease. We are going to drain our entire savings just to move. Ug. And there are so many factors to consider! What size, what day, where to (that would be good to know, eh?), what to do with the cats, how far can we go in a day, sell or keep the washer and dryer... The enormity of the situation is starting to hit me and I just don't know how we are going to do it.
I have my good days when I think "It's okay! We are capable people. We are going to figure this out." And then I get a day like today and I feel sunk.
I didn't post it because I was afraid Blake would read it and feel awful. And I didn't want that. So, I saved without publishing, cried to my mom, said my prayers, and went to bed.
Now, let me share some of the "Tender Mercies" I have been blessed with since that night. And let me testify that I feel God's love in these small but significant events.
#1- On Tuesday morning I read this scripture from Alma 58:11 during my studies, "Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us: yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him." That message was for me. I could hear Heavenly Father talking to me. And it brought me peace and hope.
#2- Blake was scheduled to get into Norfolk at 4pm on Tuesday. We were all very excited for him to get home to us! But in Atlanta, Delta needed to get a pilot to Norfolk and the plane was full. They asked for a volunteer to give up their seat. Blake thought for just a second, but then jumped up to offer his seat. Luckily, earlier in the day they had asked what it would take, between $100-$500, to have him give up his seat. He chose $500. Now when he volunteered he pointed out that number and they readily gave him a voucher for $500 to use within the next year. Suddenly that trip was not so expensive! He got home to us at 6:30pm, $500 richer. :) What a blessing!
#3- Wednesday evening came and we had still not heard from the MTC about the job. We assumed that meant bad news for us, but it was emotionally draining not to have a concrete "no." I felt very depressed throughout the day. I finally broke down to Blake in the evening and he held me while I cried. What were we going to do? I mentioned that I felt like we just needed a little more time. Just 2 mores weeks! We have to be out on July 31st. But where would we go? How could we drive to Montana without knowing for certain if Blake was accepted into the Master's Program? But how could we take all of our things to Henderson to stay with my parents for a few weeks but then have to repack it all to drive to Montana if we did? And if we stayed here, who could keep us for nearly 3 weeks? My head spun as I tried to think of the best solution.
The next day we wrote down our options and began our pros & cons lists. We felt like Blake should talk with our friend Ryan to have someone to bounce some ideas off of. Ryan called back right as we were making the lists. Now, can you believe that Ryan and Karen are leaving this Sunday and their still furnished home will be empty until the movers come to pack it up on Aug. 18th? And can you believe that they offered to let us stay there during that time? Can you really believe that God found us the two more weeks that I cried out for? My heart is so full! He "delivered" us. I am overwhelmingly thankful for our good dear friends for their help. What a blessing they have been and continue to be in our lives.
#4- It can be daunting to know where to start when trying to pack a house. And an extra person there to get you going can make an enormous difference. Lori Jensen, my RS president called that afternoon. She didn't say, "Is there anything I can do?" she said, "I have a free hour right now. Can I come over and help you with something?" That is the best way to offer service. Not asking what can be done, but offering something specific. I had her come and she brought her daughter Keri who played with Collin while Lori and I got the garage in order and mostly packed. It took an hour to do what would have taken me 3 or 4. Thank you Lori for your service and even more importantly your example of how to serve better.
#5- Our friends, the Jensens, invited us for dinner at their home for that Thursday. It was wonderful that have a good meal that I didn't have to take time to cook. As we spoke to them, Daniel asked if we needed any boxes. He said they had dozens of them from their move here and had been trying to get rid of them. We were able to stack these great boxes perfectly into our trunk. A small thing, and yet, something we needed.
#6- I have had 3 separate friends take Collin for me for several hours at a time this week so that I could pack and get things done. That makes a huge difference! And I don't feel like he is just sitting in front of a TV all day.
#7- My good friend Lauren came to help me pack on Monday. As we worked in the kitchen and talked about our potential plans to do a Masters program, she offered to give us a GRE study book that she had bought. She found out her program that she is starting this fall does not require her to take the GRE but it was too late to return the book. MSU has become our plan A which means Blake needs to take the GRE by the end of the month. And now he has a brand new GRE study book.
Has not the scripture I read been fulfilled? Has God not "visited us with assurances that he would deliver us?" I am in awe as I recall all these little moments in which I have felt Heavenly Father's "tender mercies."
So we didn't get the MTC job. And we can't be sure we will get in to MSU. And there are a multitude of other things that haven't quite turned out for us. But it doesn't really matter because I have faith that we will find our way. And God is letting us know in little ways that he is close. It is not easy, and I still don't know how this is all going to work out, but I do know that it will. And that is enough. That is faith. "...insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him." All is well, all is well.
I feel incredibly stressed at the moment. I spent the last hour researching a bit on moving trucks and it just made me feel a bit ill at ease. We are going to drain our entire savings just to move. Ug. And there are so many factors to consider! What size, what day, where to (that would be good to know, eh?), what to do with the cats, how far can we go in a day, sell or keep the washer and dryer... The enormity of the situation is starting to hit me and I just don't know how we are going to do it.
I have my good days when I think "It's okay! We are capable people. We are going to figure this out." And then I get a day like today and I feel sunk.
I didn't post it because I was afraid Blake would read it and feel awful. And I didn't want that. So, I saved without publishing, cried to my mom, said my prayers, and went to bed.
Now, let me share some of the "Tender Mercies" I have been blessed with since that night. And let me testify that I feel God's love in these small but significant events.
#1- On Tuesday morning I read this scripture from Alma 58:11 during my studies, "Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us: yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him." That message was for me. I could hear Heavenly Father talking to me. And it brought me peace and hope.
#2- Blake was scheduled to get into Norfolk at 4pm on Tuesday. We were all very excited for him to get home to us! But in Atlanta, Delta needed to get a pilot to Norfolk and the plane was full. They asked for a volunteer to give up their seat. Blake thought for just a second, but then jumped up to offer his seat. Luckily, earlier in the day they had asked what it would take, between $100-$500, to have him give up his seat. He chose $500. Now when he volunteered he pointed out that number and they readily gave him a voucher for $500 to use within the next year. Suddenly that trip was not so expensive! He got home to us at 6:30pm, $500 richer. :) What a blessing!
#3- Wednesday evening came and we had still not heard from the MTC about the job. We assumed that meant bad news for us, but it was emotionally draining not to have a concrete "no." I felt very depressed throughout the day. I finally broke down to Blake in the evening and he held me while I cried. What were we going to do? I mentioned that I felt like we just needed a little more time. Just 2 mores weeks! We have to be out on July 31st. But where would we go? How could we drive to Montana without knowing for certain if Blake was accepted into the Master's Program? But how could we take all of our things to Henderson to stay with my parents for a few weeks but then have to repack it all to drive to Montana if we did? And if we stayed here, who could keep us for nearly 3 weeks? My head spun as I tried to think of the best solution.
The next day we wrote down our options and began our pros & cons lists. We felt like Blake should talk with our friend Ryan to have someone to bounce some ideas off of. Ryan called back right as we were making the lists. Now, can you believe that Ryan and Karen are leaving this Sunday and their still furnished home will be empty until the movers come to pack it up on Aug. 18th? And can you believe that they offered to let us stay there during that time? Can you really believe that God found us the two more weeks that I cried out for? My heart is so full! He "delivered" us. I am overwhelmingly thankful for our good dear friends for their help. What a blessing they have been and continue to be in our lives.
#4- It can be daunting to know where to start when trying to pack a house. And an extra person there to get you going can make an enormous difference. Lori Jensen, my RS president called that afternoon. She didn't say, "Is there anything I can do?" she said, "I have a free hour right now. Can I come over and help you with something?" That is the best way to offer service. Not asking what can be done, but offering something specific. I had her come and she brought her daughter Keri who played with Collin while Lori and I got the garage in order and mostly packed. It took an hour to do what would have taken me 3 or 4. Thank you Lori for your service and even more importantly your example of how to serve better.
#5- Our friends, the Jensens, invited us for dinner at their home for that Thursday. It was wonderful that have a good meal that I didn't have to take time to cook. As we spoke to them, Daniel asked if we needed any boxes. He said they had dozens of them from their move here and had been trying to get rid of them. We were able to stack these great boxes perfectly into our trunk. A small thing, and yet, something we needed.
#6- I have had 3 separate friends take Collin for me for several hours at a time this week so that I could pack and get things done. That makes a huge difference! And I don't feel like he is just sitting in front of a TV all day.
#7- My good friend Lauren came to help me pack on Monday. As we worked in the kitchen and talked about our potential plans to do a Masters program, she offered to give us a GRE study book that she had bought. She found out her program that she is starting this fall does not require her to take the GRE but it was too late to return the book. MSU has become our plan A which means Blake needs to take the GRE by the end of the month. And now he has a brand new GRE study book.
Has not the scripture I read been fulfilled? Has God not "visited us with assurances that he would deliver us?" I am in awe as I recall all these little moments in which I have felt Heavenly Father's "tender mercies."
So we didn't get the MTC job. And we can't be sure we will get in to MSU. And there are a multitude of other things that haven't quite turned out for us. But it doesn't really matter because I have faith that we will find our way. And God is letting us know in little ways that he is close. It is not easy, and I still don't know how this is all going to work out, but I do know that it will. And that is enough. That is faith. "...insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him." All is well, all is well.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Borrowing a Kid
This was a wonderful day. Why you ask? Well because I borrowed a kid for the entire day and I got so much done!
The kid was Zack Miller and he is the friend that Collin plays with the best. They played so well together. Every time I said it was time to go, they begged for more time together. And it turned out to be my easiest day in 2 weeks. I am so sad that they are moving apart from each other. Zack will be in Texas soon and we will be...oh, yeah! We still don't know where we will be. :) We just enjoy the thrill of spontaneity.
We also killed some time earning some free food. Who wouldn't dress like a cow to get a free Chick Fil A meal? Yum! I sent a message to Sarah who got home yesterday and we met up. And that was a happy reunion! You should have seen Lily and Collin with one another! They were completely enveloped in each other the whole time.
The kid was Zack Miller and he is the friend that Collin plays with the best. They played so well together. Every time I said it was time to go, they begged for more time together. And it turned out to be my easiest day in 2 weeks. I am so sad that they are moving apart from each other. Zack will be in Texas soon and we will be...oh, yeah! We still don't know where we will be. :) We just enjoy the thrill of spontaneity.
We also killed some time earning some free food. Who wouldn't dress like a cow to get a free Chick Fil A meal? Yum! I sent a message to Sarah who got home yesterday and we met up. And that was a happy reunion! You should have seen Lily and Collin with one another! They were completely enveloped in each other the whole time.
They both insist they are going to marry one another. Once again too bad we are moving away from her. Those would be the two friends I would take with us if I could. Hmmmmmm. Wish I could at least borrow them for the car ride. :) Avi enjoyed his very first kids meal. He was a happy cow indeed.
I finally conquered the paper pile that has been haunting me for the last few months. Even on vacation it was there in the back of my mind, and then at home every time I would walk by it yelled, "figure me out!" It took several hours to sort it all out. What a big relief! Good riddance ominous mess!
Blake had his interview at BYU for the MTC position yesterday. I am certain he did well, but he feels unsure. What I think really bothers him is that the interviewers mentioned that the other final applicants are already currently employed at the MTC and they wanted to know what Blake has to offer. I know that made him very uncertain about getting the spot. The good thing about that is he is working hard again today to make sure we have something else if that is the case. I believe we are serious about going to MSU for our backup plan. So, we shall see, eh?
On that note, I miss my Blake. I could go for a nice long hug and a good 15 second kiss right now.
As we drove today to borrow and return Zack I marveled at the beauty of this place. Green green everywhere! I know I will miss that. It just feels alive! And I love that. On a hot, humid summer day you can see the water in the air. It creates a kind of mist about everything. What a fun place to be. I began a top 10 list about Virginia. It makes me happy we've had a chance to make Virginia our home for the past 5 years. What a blessing and adventure it's been! Look for the post soon!
He is a fan. :) we walked in right at 7pm as they were finishing the freebies. The man was nice enough to have pity on a mom toting a baby and a barefooted preschooler. Thanks random man for making us happy!
I finally conquered the paper pile that has been haunting me for the last few months. Even on vacation it was there in the back of my mind, and then at home every time I would walk by it yelled, "figure me out!" It took several hours to sort it all out. What a big relief! Good riddance ominous mess!
Blake had his interview at BYU for the MTC position yesterday. I am certain he did well, but he feels unsure. What I think really bothers him is that the interviewers mentioned that the other final applicants are already currently employed at the MTC and they wanted to know what Blake has to offer. I know that made him very uncertain about getting the spot. The good thing about that is he is working hard again today to make sure we have something else if that is the case. I believe we are serious about going to MSU for our backup plan. So, we shall see, eh?
On that note, I miss my Blake. I could go for a nice long hug and a good 15 second kiss right now.
As we drove today to borrow and return Zack I marveled at the beauty of this place. Green green everywhere! I know I will miss that. It just feels alive! And I love that. On a hot, humid summer day you can see the water in the air. It creates a kind of mist about everything. What a fun place to be. I began a top 10 list about Virginia. It makes me happy we've had a chance to make Virginia our home for the past 5 years. What a blessing and adventure it's been! Look for the post soon!
And we may have ended the day with a free slurppie. :) I couldn't resist having Collin try one for the first time.
He is a fan. :) we walked in right at 7pm as they were finishing the freebies. The man was nice enough to have pity on a mom toting a baby and a barefooted preschooler. Thanks random man for making us happy!
Btw: would you like to know a trick for keeping a spotless kitchen? Have an ant problem. It is the best motivation I have ever had to putting all food away and doing all dishes and cleaning every surface. :)
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Sleepover!
I am very grateful after a few busy days that I am not a single parent and that Blake is generally home. And that when he is home he is home, meaning he is involved. He is always a part of bedtimes and tidying up and spending time. He has spoiled me rotten and I adore him for it. And I feel his absence deeply because of it. Looking forward to Tuesday!
After my mom fail from the other night (which I partially redeemed myself in Collin's eyes by taking up his baseball and bat and leaving it with a large note that said, "Mommy loves Collin!" so he could play with them in the morning) I decided we needed to have some special time together. That meant a sleepover! We put Avind to bed last night and then Collin got to stay up with me to finish the World Cup Semi-Final and then sleep in my bed next to me. He excitedly claimed Daddy's spot and was tired enough that he had a difficult time calming down. I have noticed that Collin's movement and craziness is directly related to how tired he is. And it excellerates quickly! But it was really fun! We laughed together and told jokes (cooted!) (could you just move that?) and had a marvelous time. And then we cuddled up. He could only get comfortable with my one arm under him and the other around him. I knew my arm would be feeling pins and needles in no time, but it was totally worth it. His breathing deepened and became steady. I got to study his perfect little face and it made my heart swell with joy. And then I could move my arm and get some blood flowing again.
We both slept fairly well. I am getting better at sleeping next to him. :) But there was a point when he just tossed and turned over and over. I thought it was interesting. I wonder what made him do that. And then somewhere around 4 he was awake and wanted to talk but I was out of it. He was super sweet though, telling me, "I just love you sooooo much mommy!" and telling me how pretty I am.
And then an hour later or so he was saying he was cold...
And then at 6 am it was, "Um, Mommy? I need to show you something. I am so sorry but I think the bed is wet." Our sleepover party had become a potty party. But you know what? It was okay. It was worth it. I actually felt like I had anticipated that it would happen. And our bed has a waterproof mattress cover so it wasn't too big of a deal. Except for the pillow. I don't know if this one is going to be able to recover. Good thing he was on Blake's side of the bed! :) We got up and stripped the bed and got him into the bathtub. Avind was crying for Momma, and the morning began in full swing.
I guess Collin had so much fun that he decided he wanted another sleepover tonight! I put the kids to bed at the same time. We had watched Liberty's Kids #5 (I decided I wanted to watch them in order with Collin. It has been a super fun Mom/Collin thing. Something special-and it is a good little show!) and Avind was really difficult. Then when it was time to get into the crib he started stalling. He is pretty good at it already. He does his water sign, he pulls at my shirt even though he has already nursed, he grabs at his clean diaper and says, "da! Da!" like he needs a change. But to his much anguish I put him in his crib anyway. Collin was in his George Washington costume so I knew he would take awhile to settle down. I gave him permission to play for just a little bit before getting into bed.
Well, 30 minutes later I can hear them and they are making a ton of noise. I walk in and all the pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and Collin are in the crib with Avind! "Well this looks fun!" I say. "You can play for five more minutes, and then you need to get back into bed." But Collin says, "I am in bed! We are going to all sleep in here tonight" The best part was Avind's little face. He was happy as could be and dove back down under one of the pillows. :) Our little boys, such good buddies already. They really are so fun together. They love to have pillow fights. And Avind loves to hold the pillow that knocks Collin over when we play wipeout. And Avind is quick to snatch Collin's glasses when Collin is trying to take something from him.
I had to explain that it wasn't safe yet for Avi to have all those things in his crib, and Collin said, "Oh, Okay. Well, then I will need some helping putting it all back." Avind was very sad to see him go. I sure love my boys!
After my mom fail from the other night (which I partially redeemed myself in Collin's eyes by taking up his baseball and bat and leaving it with a large note that said, "Mommy loves Collin!" so he could play with them in the morning) I decided we needed to have some special time together. That meant a sleepover! We put Avind to bed last night and then Collin got to stay up with me to finish the World Cup Semi-Final and then sleep in my bed next to me. He excitedly claimed Daddy's spot and was tired enough that he had a difficult time calming down. I have noticed that Collin's movement and craziness is directly related to how tired he is. And it excellerates quickly! But it was really fun! We laughed together and told jokes (cooted!) (could you just move that?) and had a marvelous time. And then we cuddled up. He could only get comfortable with my one arm under him and the other around him. I knew my arm would be feeling pins and needles in no time, but it was totally worth it. His breathing deepened and became steady. I got to study his perfect little face and it made my heart swell with joy. And then I could move my arm and get some blood flowing again.
We both slept fairly well. I am getting better at sleeping next to him. :) But there was a point when he just tossed and turned over and over. I thought it was interesting. I wonder what made him do that. And then somewhere around 4 he was awake and wanted to talk but I was out of it. He was super sweet though, telling me, "I just love you sooooo much mommy!" and telling me how pretty I am.
And then an hour later or so he was saying he was cold...
And then at 6 am it was, "Um, Mommy? I need to show you something. I am so sorry but I think the bed is wet." Our sleepover party had become a potty party. But you know what? It was okay. It was worth it. I actually felt like I had anticipated that it would happen. And our bed has a waterproof mattress cover so it wasn't too big of a deal. Except for the pillow. I don't know if this one is going to be able to recover. Good thing he was on Blake's side of the bed! :) We got up and stripped the bed and got him into the bathtub. Avind was crying for Momma, and the morning began in full swing.
I guess Collin had so much fun that he decided he wanted another sleepover tonight! I put the kids to bed at the same time. We had watched Liberty's Kids #5 (I decided I wanted to watch them in order with Collin. It has been a super fun Mom/Collin thing. Something special-and it is a good little show!) and Avind was really difficult. Then when it was time to get into the crib he started stalling. He is pretty good at it already. He does his water sign, he pulls at my shirt even though he has already nursed, he grabs at his clean diaper and says, "da! Da!" like he needs a change. But to his much anguish I put him in his crib anyway. Collin was in his George Washington costume so I knew he would take awhile to settle down. I gave him permission to play for just a little bit before getting into bed.
Well, 30 minutes later I can hear them and they are making a ton of noise. I walk in and all the pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and Collin are in the crib with Avind! "Well this looks fun!" I say. "You can play for five more minutes, and then you need to get back into bed." But Collin says, "I am in bed! We are going to all sleep in here tonight" The best part was Avind's little face. He was happy as could be and dove back down under one of the pillows. :) Our little boys, such good buddies already. They really are so fun together. They love to have pillow fights. And Avind loves to hold the pillow that knocks Collin over when we play wipeout. And Avind is quick to snatch Collin's glasses when Collin is trying to take something from him.
I had to explain that it wasn't safe yet for Avi to have all those things in his crib, and Collin said, "Oh, Okay. Well, then I will need some helping putting it all back." Avind was very sad to see him go. I sure love my boys!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Mom fail
My heart hurts tonight. I had a mom fail. And it makes me sad.
We have had a rough week or two, Collin and I. He has been resistant to everything I ask him to do. And I have had little patience for it. I have lost my cool too many times. Considering our current circumstances it is understandable. But I still don't like it and I would like to change it.
Collin becomes afraid fairly easily. Particularly when he sees something on TV to trigger a fear. Lately he can't stand to be alone because he is afraid. But tonight he really struggled.
I guess while Blake and I were out to lunch today he saw something on disney channel about a monster who was turning things to stone. At bedtime then he stalled and stalled and then told me he was scared of this monster he had seen.
I was so out of energy by this time (7:30.) I had dropped Blake off at the airport and I felt like this week alone felt impossible. It was one of those days that bedtime wasn't coming fast enough. I had told 3 stories, read two books, sang three songs, changed two wet diapers, nursed twice, brushed teeth, had a battle about Collin using the potty and I was done. I needed me time.
But Collin was scared. At first I thought he was just stalling. Then I realized he really was scared. So I tried to help. I tried to make it funny and silly; I tried to pray with him; I tried to be logical. (Meanwhile Avind is screaming in his crib) but the only thing Collin wanted was for me to sleep next to him.
I am so beyond tired. And I don't sleep well with the kids. And I knew if I tried I would just be more tired in the morning and even more irritable. So I told him no and he cried and cried. I started getting upset and he just clung to me. I could see in his eyes and his face that he really was terrified. But I couldn't do it. I had reached my breaking point. I got up and was pulling his hands off me. My voice became raised and I yelled that he had to stay and I needed my sleep. And then the heartbreaker: "Mommy please stop! You are scaring me more!" He was shaking scared and completely desperate. And so was I. But I felt awful. I scared Collin. He was trying to get comfort from me but I was unable to give it.
Why? What is wrong with me? How could I leave him alone because I am tired? What kind of mom does that? Why didn't I just scoop him up in my arms and cuddle him? How could I miss the chance to love?
I got him back in bed and I left some lights on and left the door open. I promised I would sit just outside his room until he was asleep. And he fell asleep very quickly. I pray he will sleep all night. Not sure I have the ability to love as I should right now. And that makes me sad.
The best thing though is that kids love unconditionally. I can try again tomorrow. I can do better and he will forgive me for my mom fail. Oh how I love him. I hope I can do a better job of showing that.
And I really hope I get some sleep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)