What a busy time! School is in full swing and we are eating lots of chicken nuggets and pizza around here once again. It is so interesting though this year to feel like I want to be a teacher rather than thinking I have to be a teacher. I feel good at teaching (most days) and it is very fulfilling to do something you feel good at. I have learned to let go of the guilt, too. Though I am not with the kids all day, when we are together it is very valued. We had an awesome Labor Day weekend with each other.
So, with some time apart Collin and I have been able to come together. Interesting, yes? Granted, he still drives me crazy with his overreactions and inappropriate displays of unhappiness, but we have some seriously sweet treasure moments together.
Collin had his first day of kindergarten on Thurs. I found a teacher to fill in for me during first hour so I could be a part of the momentous occasion. Well, we ended up running late (surprised?) and were hustling just to get him there on time. And as we ran dragging the kids along I realized I had forgotten my phone aka my camera. Mom of the Year Award! Luckily Amanda was there to pick up my slack and shot some great pictures. I was certain I would have nothing to cry about, but there I was, tears dribbling down my face. Collin had no fear. He lined right up and went into class without a problem. I was very pleased.
Fast forward to the end of the day, we have arranged for Collin to ride the bus from Irving to the High School so he can ride home with me and Avi when I finish up. So, I was a bit nervous. I knew he would make it fine, and I really didn't think much about it until I went out to wait for his bus. I felt nervous knowing that he was on that bus without knowing a single person. And he was trusting that I would be there when it stopped. I went out a good 10 minutes early for good measure. And I paced back and forth. And then I saw bus 15 coming. And a little blond head with glasses sitting so seriously in the seat behind the bus driver. And my heart leaped! I was right at the door when the bus stopped. All the big kids got up to get out and after a few, the bus driver held them up to help Collin out. Oh, that moment when he saw me! His face lit up and he reached out, jumping into my arms and squeezed me tight and held me for several minutes. "Momma! You were here for me!" Heart melting. "Please be here every time I get off the bus!" I just clung to him and relished that feeling. He needed me. And I needed him. And I knew that it is all worth it, this parenting thing. I would do anything for that boy of mine.
We had another tender moment this evening together. Blake had traveled to Helena and was coming home late, so I was getting the kids into bed after a busy day. After PJ's were on, I sat with Collin to read some more of "On the Shores of Silver Lake" the 5th book in the Laura Ingall's Little House series. We have read through the first 4 books together over the last 9 months and I love it. There are so many great life lessons to learn from these books! Today as we read, I glanced ahead and realized that Laura's faithful Bulldog Jack dies. I got emotional, because I always do with things like that and Collin realized it. "Is he going to die?' he asked. I kept on reading and when we got to the part, he scrunched up his face and cried like he had just lost his own dog. I held him as we sat there together crying about Jack. And I felt so grateful that reading has become such a powerful tool for my Collin. It has created an entire world for him, real enough that he can feel the sorrow in it. What an amazing gift to have. The love of reading. :) He was able to calm down and beg for me to keep reading. He knows I love it as much as he does and can usually persuade me to go a few more pages than promised.
One last tender moment: I put on my watch this morning and realized the battery was dead. I placed it on the counter and told the kids, "Oh no! My watch battery is dead. I won't need to wear it now." Collin promptly jumped down off the stool, ran to his room, and came back with his Star Wars Storm Trooper watch. "Here mom. You can use my watch." :) and I did, all day long. And every time I looked at it, I thought, "I am one lucky Momma!"
