Stuck

Warning: *This post contains an unusual amount of complaining.*

I am thoroughly frustrated. In the last year Blake or I or both have:

1. Answered phone calls
2. Cleaned a vacation home
3. Sold items from our home
4. Painted fingernails
5. Cleaned a Montessori School/4 times a year
6. Organized a youth Saturday soccer group
7. Worked full time, including 8 days of my summer vacation that was unpaid
8. Traveled around the entire state
9. Written two books
10. Created our own marriage blog
11. Created a consulting website

All these in an attempt to scrap together money enough. We have budgeted diligently and have finally saved enough to buy a house.

I am very grateful and very excited for said house.

But this is where the frustration begins:

You see, I am getting the baby bug. I would really love to think about baby 3. But how would we even afford that? All my sick days are used up...since I have kids that get sick. The 12 weeks is unpaid if you take them. Then there is day care costs: Two kids in daycare will cost $1500/month.
Then, the medical costs to have the baby: 25% of the hospital stay. Don't forget the diapers. That is a hole.

So, stay home you say...well, actually Blake's income is not enough so that can't work. And I want to keep working. I am a better mom. Maybe that is something I shouldn't admit, but me working is good for our family. I do wish I could do it part time...but then there is that darned money issue.

Additionally, I would really love to get a master's degree...it makes a huge difference in my pay scale over time...but that is $10,000. Not sure where that would come from. Needs to be done in the next 5 years because I need to have 6 credits in the next year to renew my license. Then the clock starts ticking.

Goodness, we are working so hard. I am not sure what else to do. Not sure where else to earn the money.

First world problems, I know. But they are still problems. And they still make me cry...because I shouldn't have to pour over the budget before thinking of whether a baby would cause us to be in the red.

Why is there no paid maternity in this country yet? Why do I have to base my decision to have a baby on whether we could live during the time I would be out? Why must I rush back into work if we do have a baby before I have had time to actually get any sleep? Why do we do this? What is wrong with our society that we don't support mothers who work? And fathers for that matter? You think maybe that might be important? Time with a new baby?

Why, with a 3.91 College GPA should I need to pay for my Master's Degree? I have worked hard. I should be eligible for some scholarship? Or a discount? A teacher who is committing so much of my energy to these kids?

Stuck. I feel stuck. Stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck. Stuck as a duck in the muck. That's a good kiddo book by the way. You should read it sometime. :)