I thought I would compile a few of the lessons I have learned in the last few months to demonstrate my point. Here is the first truth I have discovered:
Being a Full-time Working Mom is really hard. And so is being a Stay-At-Home Mom.
It has been fascinating to be able to identify with both classes of moms now. And I can honestly say they are both incredibly exhausting.
I will write a series of posts comparing the joys and challenges of each of these that I have considered lately:
Working Mom- The Hard Things:
- I am emotionally drained from working with teenagers all day and that makes it difficult to have any emotional energy to share with my own children. I am concerned now not only for my two little ones, but for the 142 not-so-little ones I teach. I want to make a difference in my students' lives and it is draining to feel like I am not reaching them. It hurts my heart to see the ones I picked out and thought "I need to make a difference for that student" drop out and give up. It feels like a personal failure. And then when I pick up my own kids and get a negative report about their day...ug! Then it just feels like I am failing on all sides. And I pray that my kids will feel positive about school and learning so they aren't the ones giving it up in 10 years.
- I feel bad/sad/guilty that someone else is caring for my children. They are witnessing the little adorable daily details that you miss when you only get 3 waking hours to spend with your sons. Especially with Avind. He is at the age that I love. He is learning to talk and he can follow directions and instructions. But I am missing it. And by the time I get him to myself, he is hungry and tired and I am hungry and tired and it really isn't the fun part of the day. I haven't sat and played with him. I don't get to dump oatmeal on the floor and play in it with him. I haven't done puzzles and playdough and singing/dance parties. I get food for him, bathe him, squeeze in a book or a short walk and nurse him. And by then he is cranky because it is too late. And what is sad about missing my days with Collin is that next year he will be in school. This is my last year to have him. And with the struggles at daycare I feel particularly bad. He clings to me when I drop him off and that makes it hard.
- If making dinner was a challenge before working, it is nearly impossible now. I now understand completely why I got hotdogs and tortilla with cheese when I wanted it at 4 years old. I don't have energy to make a good meal. And if I did, I wouldn't want to spend my limited time with the kids fighting over dinner. Also, most of the time I have very little to work with since I don't have time to grocery shop. And the pots and pans are still dirty from the last time I attempted dinner. So, make some freezer meals you might say. That is a good idea but when would I do that? The weekends are cleaning the mess that has accumulated over the week and catching up on sleep and grading papers and getting out on family adventure times. And unpacking boxes...have I mentioned we still have things to unpack? And having time with Blake and trying to peruse yard sales for winter coats and boots since none of us have them and winter will be here soon. Yeah, dinner is usually one of 4 things: spaghetti in some shape or form, pizza something or other, taco soup, or mac and cheese. Sometimes i make eggs or mashed potatoes...sounds gourmet right? We are usually hungry over here. Hungry for some real food.
- Laundry. I don't know where anyone's clothes are. Particularly my own. I am not good at keeping my clothes off the floor anyway, now I need to look presentable on a daily basis. That is a rough change! It is important that when in front of teenagers I don't have any wardrobe failures. I recall mocking teachers for armpit stains and the like...I don't want that to be my legacy. And the kids should have clean, cool-weather appropriate clothes. But it is really hard to find matching socks in the overflowing laundry baskets in the hallway. Especially because Blake keeps putting non matching socks on the kids. :) The pairs get all mixed up. And pants that actually stay on Avi's little waist? Right! Meanwhile, all I can find for Collin is shorts. His pants all have holes in the knees anyway. Goodness! And that moment when Blake asks if we have any clean whites laying around because we are both definitely out... Of course if that happens when the kids are in bed that isn't always a bad thing. :) He he. If we can both stay awake that is.
- We are pretty nonsocial these days. I don't have any time for playdates or Girl's night outs or game nights and we still don't have a table to invite friends over for dinner. And in the evenings and weekends I want to be with our family because we are away from one another all week.
- I never exercise. I miss it. But when would I possibly go out for a run? The idea is impossible. We have gotten some family hiking in on the weekends, which is super fun. But going the kid's pace is not exactly high intensity exercise. Oh, to go running!
- The state of the house. Oh, my! Vacuuming and sweeping are a luxury that often has to wait until the weekends. I love feeling all the crumbs under my feet. :) Please don't judge me!
