Teaching

Wow.  I am beyond tired.  And I am only on day 2 of teaching.

I forgot how draining it is to be in front of a class all day long.  My feet and legs ache.  And I am ready for bed and it is only 8:30.  Last night I felt so out of sorts.  I couldn't get myself organized.  There are a lot of little details that take time to figure out: setting up the computer to the printer; getting on moodle; getting a password for copies; figuring out passwords for the computer; and so many other things. And by the time I get through one of those, I don't have any time for planning. 

It is difficult to know that someone else is taking care of the kids all day. But something I can now appreciate is my ability to understand both working moms and stay at home moms.  I have stepped into a different world, and it is very difficult.  So was staying at home all day.  It is amazing how both can be so challenging in different ways. 

Another thing I can appreciate about this situation is how much I love and value my time with my boys now. I no longer browse on the phone while I nurse Avind.  I watch him every moment and marvel at perfect face and hands.  I take him all in- I smell him and feel him and hear him.  I love him and I miss him while I am gone from him.   With Collin our interactions together are more meaningful.  We seem to be best buddies.  I still have to be mom and tell him no and he still gets upset, but it is short lived.  He often nestles up to me and tells me he loves me and that I am the best mommy.  And I can't help but see how wonderful he is and am slower to anger when he is difficult. 

What a great opportunity for me.  I also enjoy the teaching.  I can already pick out the kids that can use some extra attention and love.  And I know I can do that.  It doesn't take much.  Just to be someone that cares. Someone who notices when they are gone.  Who knows, maybe we ended up in Montana so that I could help one of these kids and make a difference.